My name is Joy.

I live in Maine.

I've never met an exclamation mark I didn't like.

Sometimes I host impromptu dance-offs in the middle of the street.

Send email to: joylovestheinternet@gmail.com

You can follow me on Twitter, if you're into that sort of thing.

Everything posted on this blog is my personal opinion and does not necessarily represent the views of my employer or its clients.

 

A Careless Man’s Careful Daughter

There’s a line in this song that I keep playing over and over: “you made a rebel of a careless man’s careful daughter.” It’s a line that keeps bringing me back to a place I don’t want to go. 

I’ve mentioned before that I grew up with an abusive parent. I’ve seen people get defined by this miseries of their childhood and I was determined that would never happen to me. 

But then a boyfriend hit me.

His blow took me right back to that place. My body tensed and the fear of an eight-year-old girl washed over me.

I was afraid that this experience would be an issue to my friends, so I kept it to myself. I quietly broke up with that boyfriend. While some questioned the speed at which I ended the relationship, they accepted my choice and we moved on.

After the experience with that boyfriend, I became more guarded in my relationships. I was careful again. One of the biggest issues for my last boyfriend was that he felt I shut him out.

And maybe I did. Experiencing abuse at such a young age by the hand of someone who is meant to care about you makes you build defense mechanisms few can penetrate. 

With friends I’d like to think that I have an open heart. I love my friends without reservation, but with others I’m… careful.

I know this is just a silly line, but a silly song, but it meant something to me.  

  1. meredithbklyn said: xxx.
  2. thewidowwinchester said: That’s not silly at all.
  3. monkeychow said: Monkey hugs!
  4. joyengel posted this