My name is Joy.
I live in Maine.
I've never met an exclamation mark I didn't like.
Sometimes I host impromptu dance-offs in the middle of the street.
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There’s a line in this song that I keep playing over and over: “you made a rebel of a careless man’s careful daughter.” It’s a line that keeps bringing me back to a place I don’t want to go.
I’ve mentioned before that I grew up with an abusive parent. I’ve seen people get defined by this miseries of their childhood and I was determined that would never happen to me.
But then a boyfriend hit me.
His blow took me right back to that place. My body tensed and the fear of an eight-year-old girl washed over me.
I was afraid that this experience would be an issue to my friends, so I kept it to myself. I quietly broke up with that boyfriend. While some questioned the speed at which I ended the relationship, they accepted my choice and we moved on.
After the experience with that boyfriend, I became more guarded in my relationships. I was careful again. One of the biggest issues for my last boyfriend was that he felt I shut him out.
And maybe I did. Experiencing abuse at such a young age by the hand of someone who is meant to care about you makes you build defense mechanisms few can penetrate.
With friends I’d like to think that I have an open heart. I love my friends without reservation, but with others I’m… careful.
I know this is just a silly line, but a silly song, but it meant something to me.